Head? Heart? Help Me God

Setting- a boring classroom

Characters- a guy (me), a wandering heart, a confused head

Supporting cast- the teacher, 100 other geeks, one beautiful girl

I am sure that sounds familiar. And I am also sure that this does not happen in engineering classes only. Classes in various courses all around the world are so boring that you have to find ways to keep you busy. For some testosterone charged, the entertainment comes from the ‘stories’ accessed through mobile phones. The traditional ones prefer ‘tic-tac-toe’ and ‘connect four dots in a row’. The trendy people play Angry Birds and Temple Run. And one category believes in doing for what they have been sent here- take notes, answer in a robotic manner and impress the person on the other side of the classroom. He is one who is of no importance for first 4 months. In the last month of the semester, he becomes a mini deity.

Among all these, there are few who prefer fantasizing. Wait; don’t get ‘The Dirty Picture’. I am explaining.

There are some students who, from Day 1, develop affection for the opposite sex in their batch. Not a crime certainly. For those who have stepped out of the comfort of their home first time in life, the world is theirs. And so are the people of the world. So, what is the harm in selecting one from those people if it makes you happy?

The harm shows its effect when this love (this is what we call it, right?) is carried to the classroom. Let me tell you, for the people in this kind of ‘love’; there is no better place than classroom. In my case, I had no idea what the man in suit is blabbering and scribing on the board. I was not interested which latest video is being shared by my fellow seat partners. And I didn’t find the comments on the teacher’s words by new-bully-of-the-batch funny.

Where was I then? I was looking at that girl with whom I was in ‘love’. Cute, innocent, looked good in college provided suit. My heart was with her. My head had other ideas.

‘what is the problem?’ my head asked. ‘the last comment was really funny. The brain processed it. So, why are not you laughing? 

‘he won’t’ the heart replied instantly ‘he is busy in that girl, over that right side second bench.’

Things could have been very simple if anything of the following had happened

1. I propose the girl, she says YES; I live happily ever after (happily ever after? you are kidding me)

2. I somehow kill the infatuation and just move on.

Some people are stuck in worst case scenario

It’s been 2 years but things were same. You might ask where the change is. Even the files in government department are processed in this long time. But I was still stuck watching the girl.

College has become serious; studies have picked pace but I am still with the day 1 memories. The girl has not changed a bit. Same hair, same eyes and same innocence (and very importantly, the same relationship status- SINGLE). That kept my hope going that one day, may be I will……..

Head- I don’t think there is no use making him understand now. I am seeing the same since last 480 days and 15 hours.

Heart- there is more to life than these stupid numbers. Can’t you see his how happy he is? Try being at my place for a day and you will yourself know how much blood I am pumping in and out.

Head- Numbers are what matters here most. Here and in that world where his numbers will get a salary with many zeroes in it. Numbers will make him a successful man. Numbers will shape him

Heart- but the numbers won’t necessarily fetch him respect. His feelings are true. I hope he gets what he deserves at the end of it.

I have reached the last days of my college. Grades were consistently average and my parents were more concerned about them than me. I made the decision. 7 semesters were more than enough. It is now or never.

Head- dude, this guy has gone mad. This brain is sending me signals. Something big is going to happen.

Heart- it was long due. I am happy he has made the decision. By the way, what do you think will be the reaction? I claim to know a lot about him but this time, I just can decide.

Head- I can only answer in a logical way. And going by what I have gathered in last 20 years through books and internet, logic has no place in this aspect of life. So, no comments.

Heart- come on, be a sport. Answer something.

Head- I will answer logically. At this stage, numbers matter. Emotions can wait. So, he should concentrate on his studies.

Heart- you are disgusting.

I went up to the girl. For the first time in 4 years, we had proper eye contact. In the 4 years of studying, mugging and building a so-called-future, she has managed to retain her charm. It was tough not to look at her now that I had a chance. All those years, it was normally a 45 degree posture- me at second bench from the last, she at second from start. At 180 degree i.e. face to face, things were far better. 5 seconds of awkward silence and I blurted out the three words I thought I never will.

All these years, my head always said NO and heart said YES. Worse, I allowed myself to get cluttered in between two most contradicting organs of my body. If head and heart would have said in unison, YES or NO or whatever, I believe I would have been a calmer being.

5 years after, everyone is happy. She has just got engaged and happy. And I am trying to postpone my marriage as long as I can. Different people, different choices. Had she been with me, she would have been arguing about getting married as early as possible.

The only three words that I said that day were- All the best. What did you think?

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda