Being Generous in Praises

You have left home for your office. The traffic is unusually heavy. Most of the traffic signals are red and are crossed in the 2nd attempt. And of course, the cows believe that the roads are grasslands and refuse to budge. The radio isn’t playing songs of your favorite singer. And then right at the parking entry of your office building, you get to know that the gate is closed for maintenance and a detour is needed.

It is not the ideal morning. You have reached the office before time but still 15 minutes later than what you prefer. You don’t like delayed start to the day but it will be one today. And then suddenly, a colleague walks in and tells you- you look good today.

Will it lift your mood? Maybe yes. But it will surely not make you more sad or annoyed.

//Assume the setting for the remainder of the blog as an office space with seniors and juniors rather than your home and family.//

The funny (and unfortunate) part is that we take a lot of time and give more than required thought before praising others. And this is not about complimenting them for some outstanding work which is recognised monthly or annually and can be measured. Small things like the example above- just telling someone he/she looks good- is just a tonic we all need during everyday grind.

The problem with small praises is that a lot of times, they are taken in the wrong way. It becomes trickier when the person on the other side is of the opposite sex- suddenly the entire thing becomes complicated. And with our natural inclination to stay away from complications, we either forget to acknowledge the one’s effort altogether or leave it for too late when it loses relevance.

How difficult is it to just compliment people for something nice in their appearance or mannerism? It is not.

We all will immediately be raving about our 3 year old kid’s first half decent cricket shot and telling the world, posting it on Facebook and sharing in family WhatsApp groups for the older generation within 5 minutes. But taking a moment to say a one liner in the office to somebody who is probably not expecting it feels like a chore which can be avoided or maybe, left for tomorrow (or forever). We never know how much the other guy needed that Attaboy from us.

They smell good- tell them.

One slight effort on their part got you acknowledged- tell them.

They did something today which they were not doing till yesterday – tell them.

They are doing something extra which their counterparts aren’t- tell them.

The new shirt looks great- tell him.

The new kurti looks awesome- tell her.

Should you lie when it comes to praises? The answers can be very subjective but ideally, the words need to be honest and worthy. At the same time, if I believe that the scales are tipped 60-40 in the favor of my team; I am quick to acknowledge and tell them instantly. There can be no harm in slight exaggeration till the time it does not result in any kind of manipulation.

I believe in being more generous to others when it comes to praising. Till the time I know that the person on the other end did make the effort or did something going out of the way; he/she deserves nice words. Results may not be as per the expectation but if you acknowledge the effort today; you will see the results tomorrow.

Little extra good can do no harm to this world and its people. Be generous with the words, fellas.

Discovery

I watched Ranbir Kapoor starrer Rockstar in 2011, the weekend it was released. It was a normal movie for me at that time.

A few years later; I watched it again on some channel to kill time. It was the same. Nothing different. No difference.

And recently; I watched it again to kill time. Something changed this time. I noticed something which was always there but did not register earlier. But once I saw it; it was tough to ignore.

I will come back to this later.

A very long time back, in 1999, Preity Zinta and Akshay Kumar starrer Sangharsh was released. The movie tanked at the box office but was more than decent. Especially the portrayal of Lajja Shankar Pandey by Ashutosh Rana was scary and looked real. His signature howling with an open mouth was intimidating.

——–

You might be wondering what is the fuss about these movies.

There was a scene in Rockstar where Jordan aka Janardhan (Ranbir Kapoor); in his days of struggling; was singing anywhere and everywhere to earn money. Be it temples, mosques, dandiyas- he is shown singing. In one particular scene; he is singing Bollywood-style bhajans in a maata ka jagrata. In the next scene; he is shown singing some deep sufi music in a mosque.

In this movie Sangharsh; Lajja Shankar Pandey is a Hindu religious fanatic who believes that sacrificing children to Gods would make him immortal.

I believe you understand where I am taking you.

——–

I never saw Ranbir Kapoor’s calm demeanor in a mosque and fun-filled casualness in a temple until the last couple of years. And I connected the dot that Imtiaz Ali is the director so that was bound to happen.

Nor I notice that how a pandit is being shown as a killer of innocent children till I saw it again a few days back. Because Bhatts are the directors; they always have some resentment towards Hindus.

I can also talk about how Anurag Kashyap, very grandly, in his Magnus opus “Gangs of Wasseypur 1 & 2” showed the world how a local Muslim goon felled the empire of a very powerful Hindu upper-caste politician.

Nothing has changed in the movies mentioned above. What worries me is that I have started noticing these things.

——–

I am truly sorry if the words in the cited examples sound and read cheap and insulting. Feel free to judge me. What has changed is how I look at things, thanks to the constant social media feeds.

Make no mistake; I am not blaming Facebook/ Twitter for changing me into someone who has started noticing these technicalities. The fault is mine that I let it happen. I consider myself a moderate who doesn’t give a rat’s ass what’s happening in the other’s lives; let alone the other religions. This change is troubling for me.

After almost half a decade of constantly feeding my mind the crap it does not deserve; I have developed an eye I would love to get rid of. There is already enough happening which needs attention and I can very well do without having an extra worry about how my Gods and their Gods are being portrayed in a fictional setting.

Sometimes, I wonder whether these things were always there but I was immature to understand them. This may be partially true but equally true is the fact that 10 years back; no movie critic and self-styled soldiers of their respective religions were howling about these. The world was an ignorant and happy place. But now nothing goes unnoticed.

——–

I stopped using Facebook four years ago. Twitter addiction is very strong. And it is probably the biggest influencer of my ideology. I wish that there was a switch which can be just flipped off and things go back to what they were long time back.

The Zomato-esque Leap

“Iss Desh Ke Graduates Jab Apne 9 to 5 Job Se Bore Hone Lagte Hain Toh Bahar Nikalne Ke Bas 3 Raaste Hote Hain
1.IAS 2. MBA 3. Aur Start-Up”
—— Rajat to Naveen (TVF Pitchers)

Zomato was a startup when startups weren’t cool. They didn’t care. They kept working and on Friday, they went public with markets accepting them with open arms.

I didn’t apply for the IPO and didn’t make any money. But it gives me immense satisfaction to see them listed. If Zomato shares would have traded in loss, the IPO investors would have accepted it, cursed the promoters and moved on. But the negative ripple effect it would have had on the Indian startup ecosystem would have had repurcussions.

India need creators/founders as much as it needs skilled workers. We all have heard stories Indian moving abroad and doing great things there. I believe now is the time to do those things in India. Zomato IPO has shown that if you are good, you will be rewarded. “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”- it almost fits perfect for Zomato.

And to the Goyal of Zomato and Bansal of Flipkart, an Agarwal of ‘something’ aspires to be part of your legacy. The idea is there since 7 years. I hope I can find a way out soon to make it a reality.

May the force be with me.

Opinions

What you think doesn’t matter everywhere

4 years ago, I posted 2nd of the 2 questions I have ever posted on Quora-

“What to do to have an opinion on everything?”

The good folks there poured their unabated wisdom for me. Read newspaper, blogs, feeds, newsletters and what not. I read a few of those, got bored and never opened Quora again.

Slowly, my quest for having an opinion on every news started dimming. To detach myself more, I quit active Facebook scrolling, Now I login once in 6 months and have never missed anyone who matters to me- family and close friends.

I use Twitter very actively and there I realize how people feel the need to have an opinion on everything. Zomato IPO, Ram Mandir, Vaccination pace, WB elections- pretty varied interests there.

Especially big handles- it is almost an obligation for them to write on everything and keep their followers humoured. It is like you can hire them for your newspaper and one editor will be enough to cover all the sections. All of them are experts!!

I do have opinions but I stick to things that resonates most with me- sports, trading, writing. Other than that, I really don’t care about seculars, liberals, political alliances, religious movements etc etc.

Too much information overdose is making lots of Jack asses out there. I am not a jack of all trades and certainly not a master of any but you sit with me and I can talk to you almost on everything (yes bitcoin too). But do I have an opinion on it- I think I will pass that.

For what it’s worth, here is a one liner for those with opinion on everything-

Nobody really give a rat’s ass.

Comedy Warriors

I have huge respect for standup comedians.

If you think of it, it is a very tough job. People attend their shows with very high expectations because they have spent a lot of money on the tickets and they are stressed out and they need loads of laughter. They want their money worth. And without being disrespectful, some of them are not worth the money. At least my money.

This is because it is not easy to make me laugh. And there are a couple of guys out there who does make me laugh like Abhishek Upmanyu, Zakir Khan. Their comedy is simply amazing and a proper exercise for facial muscles.

In my bucket list; doing a standup act once is right up there.

I have not thought too much about this. But there is an innate desire to perform somewhere. Maybe for my family, for my extended clan. Maybe in some office event. Someplace where people will not judge.

God has been grateful to me and given me a decent sense of humor and timing. But more than the actual act, it is the script of the act which has to be right. I don’t know if Abhishek Upmanyu has a team or all his acts are his scripts- he is doing one hell of a job.

There have been days when I have sat with a pen and paper and with the expectation that in a couple of hours; I will be ready with my first-ever standup comedy act script. In reality, I couldn’t clear a couple of paras. And that makes me respect these guys more.

A standup comic script isn’t just a few lines. It is basically how you observe the world; its small flaws and big loopholes. It involves observing people, system, manners, reactions, and of course, the situation should strike a chord with the audience. An act on school days or first job will be popular. Write a script of the organizational behavior of NASA and the act will most probably go down the drain.

Here is an act by Zakir Khan on the middle-class person buying a high-class item from Levi’s and buying an iPhone. This act is a class apart. It is relatable. Any 20s something guy who, after his first salary, enters Levi’s showroom for the first time will probably agree with Zakir. And that is what makes them interesting. Of course, Zakir’s way of saying is his USP. I can give the same script to Arjun Rampal and the show will be a dud.

Having tried writing scripts a couple of times myself and realizing how tough it is; I again reiterate my respect for these guys. In today’s world with a high level of stress and constant worry about things; these comedians are doing a great job. In my humble opinion; making people laugh is one of the noble jobs you can do. It can be an act on the stage or in a group of friends or with your wife at home. As long as you are making people laugh or they are smiling with you (or smiling at you), it doesn’t matter. Everything counts.

But for me, I do want to perform once. It will take a lot of imagination to write something and bigger courage to perform as I have a stage phobia. But we will see. The bucket list is meant for that. To keep things separately somewhere where it is not important but yet not forgotten.

The World May Want You to Fail

For an Indian cricket fan, the 2018 Nidahas Trophy is a sweet memory.

The tournament was not exceptional. India sent a team without a couple of stars and gave Rohit Sharma the leadership role. He took India to the final where his team was on the verge of losing. But then, Dinesh Kartik happened.

When he came on to bat, India needed 34 off 12 deliveries. Kartik scored 29 of them, including a last-ball 6 to win the final against Bangladesh. One of India’s best victories.

But this is not about him or the final. This is about a young talent who wasn’t having a great time. This is about Rishabh Pant.

Rishabh Pant was 18 years old when he represented India in U-19 WC 2016 held in Bangladesh. While others were just trying to score runs, this kid was scoring them fast. He struck 24-ball-78 against Nepal and 96-ball-111 against Namibia. Long story short- India had found a successor to Mahender Singh Dhoni.

With a country so passionate about the game, it is easy to falter against expectations. Every time Rishabh played, people expected fast runs. A 19-year-old boy understood nothing but to oblige his new fans. He tried and kept failing, spectacularly.

By the time Nidahas Trophy happened, Pant was 20 and on the fringes of the Indian cricket team. He was the next big thing and it was supposed to be a matter of time when the innings will come when he will announce himself. Nidahas trophy looked like a perfect tournament.

Unfortunately, it didn’t happen. Rishabh played the first 2 matches, did nothing of note, and was not selected for the rest of the tournament. In the second match, he scored 7 off 8. The criticism earlier in hush-hush and murmurs was getting louder. The kid was heartbroken and I think it was Akash Chopra on air when he said- “Imagine, being a 19-year-old and the world wants you to fail.”

This has stuck with me since then. Rishabh Pant was 20. He was a part of the Indian national cricket team and the world has already written him off. Do they know what they were doing when they were 19 or 20? Did they stop expecting from their kid who had failed in his teens? I sure was not doing anything important at that time. I was slogging my ass off for marks in my engineering. And that is what the majority of the world does.

Recently, another Indian cricket prodigy, Prithvi Shaw that he cried after he was dropped after a poor show in the first test when India recently toured Australia in late 2020. Again, Prithvi Shaw is just 21.

It is a common opinion these days that having IPL riches so early in their life; the young kids aren’t serious about their national careers. Moreover, test cricket is lost because of the fast, swagger-filled T20. Although there is truth in that but labeling these players of next-generation greedy and not dedicated enough is an insult.

Thanks to the covid induced lifestyle, few people have a lot of time with them. The easiest thing to do when you have lots of time is to become an armchair expert. And when it comes to cricket; this country has one on every corner.

People wanted Rishabh to fail, to make mistakes. It would not have done Indian cricket any good but it would have given them a lot of satisfaction and a common statement- “See, I told you so.” They wanted Prithvi to fail to give them false conviction about their theories.

The lesson from all this- people know nothing. And when it comes to you, let those decide who actually care for you. Some random uncle in the nearby grocery shop should not make you change your plans.

“Son, there is nothing in a startup. Find a job and get settled.”

“Son, why are you study mass communication? You should have done engineering.”

“Son, why are not you doing MBA? Graduation means nothing these days.”

I am sure you got the gist. This is not a very fair world. More often than not, you will meet people who care nothing about you. They will walk with you but given the first opportunity; they will run over you.

And I don’t want to make this sound pessimistic. But as somebody has said- “Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.”

Hope to meet the best guy always but be ready if you get the worst guy always. It will go a long way for you.

The World Needs a ‘Gooder’ You

Since we were kids we were told and taught that being good is, err, good. Be a good boy whom everybody likes, a good student who get good grades. Then, as we move on with our life, it is about being a good employee, a good husband and a good father. And then we hope to die as a good man.

When I was a kid, good had a smaller and simpler definition- respect elders, do not lie, do not make fun of others and eat and sleep on time. Then in my teens, as I moved out from my hometown to do engineering, good became entirely different. It was more about not manipulating others, not cheating in exams, honouring, rather sticking to your words and accepting that you borrowed money from a friend and returning that on time.

(Actually now that I think of it, once you leave the comfort and security of your home, then only you realise who you are and how do you need to conduct yourself if you need to be known as good. There are so many people around and it is easy to choose the wrong path. That is where the vales kicks in.)

And now in job where you meet so many people- juniors, seniors, achievers, duds. All with different values and all with different perception of good and bad. Like us, they also have grown up with certain theories with them. What is good for one may be indifferent to the other; what is unacceptable for one may be normal routine for the other. Among all this, you try to figure and forge your identity. You see people on the top who are not ‘good’ as per your standards and the genuine, honest guys slogging under them. And you start doubting whether what you have been taught was actually right or it was just a myth that sounded good in books but hold no value in real world.

You know what- you need to keep your goodness with you. The world needs a lot of goodness and whatever you do may not be enough. And I am not talking about charity here. That is a different kind of good deed. I am talking about the goodness that cost you nothing- in terms of money and time.

What is this goodness? Well, nothing much. Helping your colleagues without them asking you. A smile here and a thank you there. Both with juniors and seniors and with people who cannot shout back at you like guards, cleaning staff, lift men etc. If you thank your boss for allowing you to be on leave inspite of some tight schedule; you should also thank the lift man who stopped the lift for you. It is a very small gesture but can do wonders to his morale and he will treat the next guy with more pleasantness in his attitude.

You may think here how does it matter if you would not be nice to people. Anyways, it is just a one guy. As they say, even for that one guy that is more than enough. You may make his entire day by a very small act of yours. It is important that we keep doing what we can do instead of worrying about why others are not doing what they should do. You never know that you may inspire couple of people around you to do the same.

The people around you need a ‘Gooder’ you. You may not feel it but world can do with lot of niceness. Keep doing your deed. And as a famous liquor brand say, you may “Be remembered for Good”.